Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
