So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
