i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
