We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
