Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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