You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
