Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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