I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if only i could text you this smell
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
