Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
