her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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