I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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