Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
