office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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