I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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