6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
