if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
