just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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