but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
