My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
