i think i have herpe
just one?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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