my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize