so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
