This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
