oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
