Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
