1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
