brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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