Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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