when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
