i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
As shirtless as possible
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
