You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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