Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
