She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
