wat bout pragnant strippers??
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
