I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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