I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
