As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
