It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
