i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
