This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize