But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
