I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize