I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
