So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Couch. On fire.
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