we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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