I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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