Jerry, you need to find god
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
