god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize