Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So much rum. So many feels.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize