I skipped work to stalk him.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
