i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
