weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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