I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
