she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
