I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
