ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's the barista slut.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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