so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
