Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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