Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
