I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
