I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize