Just fell off a train. Bad.
Your tits are I can't wait for
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
