I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
