i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
