The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
