I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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