All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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