margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
