she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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