I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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