And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
