Duck Duck Cougar?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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