your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
