I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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