butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
