I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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