hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
