Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
